Growing up Asian in America

It’s not easy being an Asian American man in the US. Epidemiologically, it’s certainly not the “worst” demographic to be in. I am fortunate in that I’ve been raised in a middle-/upper middle-class family that prioritizes education. On an academic or career scale, I’m doing well–perhaps not the best, but compared to the general population, I’m a star.

Yet, there’s this cultural stereotype of the Asian male that I notice seems to be projected onto me whenever I interact with another American, particularly someone who’s very entrenched in the Western culture. America is, after all, a country that is predominantly white–especially if you consider this on a cultural and political basis. As an Asian man, I don’t feel I play a very big role in the grand scheme of things here.

I am a first generation immigrant to the US, and there’s a part of me that long to immigrate back to China, if given the opportunity. China will always be my mother country. US society, with all its wealth and promise of the American dream, has not really lived up to its expectations from my lived experiences. I do not feel that I’ve reached a point in my life where I am satisfied with the fruits of my labor. Now, that’s not to say that this attitude will change in the coming years.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do feel like a stranger in my native land. I feel that I am somewhat of an outsider for embracing my true self and I’m tired of having to bend my interests to fit that of the dominant culture in the US. Yet, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I don’t want to continue this life of loneliness that began with the termination of my medical training in my mid-twenties that have stretched on for about a decade. The only real solution to this seems to be to immigrate.