Lonely nights

Everyday after dinner, I feel this sense of intense loneliness as I prepare to sleep. I’ve been trying to make this better in the past decade by calling my mother, but we have so much distance between us in terms of culture and age that it just doesn’t end up being a satisfying enough connection. That’s the downside of being single: you do end up experiencing moments of intense loneliness that you can’t seem to shake off, and, because of this, it’s easy to slip into habits that can easily turn into addictions. Yet, for tonight, I think I’ll just have a glass of wine, do a little writing, and call it. 

On that note, I’ve been thinking more and more about what it means to have a truly gay marriage with another man. In a heterosexual marriage, the presumption is quite simple: most couples will aim for form a union to start a family. That’s sort of the standard. However, for two men in particular, it’s inherently a lot more difficult and more expensive to have children. So, outside of starting a family, there has to be another purpose to the union. What could that purpose be? 

I think the answer to that is friendship. Two men getting married ideally involves the two being best friends. That is, I believe, the paradigm of a gay marriage, or maybe of any marriage for that matter: where there exists mutual support and understanding from both sides. Where there’s mutual attraction, but not one that’s based solely on physical appearance, though physical attraction is by no means unimportant. The ideal gay marriage is the formation of an eternal friendship. That is, I think, the ultimate cure to my lonely nights.