If my younger self could see me now

I just came upon a journal prompt online of what my younger self would think of me if they could see me now. I was a sort of timid child, perhaps one who didn’t like to veer off course. I was definitely not the rebellious type, so the fact that I’ve taken the road less traveled is a bit of a surprise I think to everyone in the family, especially me. Architecture, in many ways, is the exact opposite of medicine. It is a high-risk profession, but one that is more passion-driven than pragmatic. It’s literally black-and-white. 

I think what my younger self would be most surprised by is that the act of veering off course does not automatically equate to happiness. Sometimes, getting what you want in life doesn’t feel good or translate into greater happiness. I don’t really know how to get that, and I’m still trying to figure it out. I think the same thing goes for relationships, though I won’t dive too deep into that because I’m not sure I understand it completely. 

Something else I sort of always wondered what I would’ve thought is this desire to let go of starting a family, which would’ve seemed like a completely crazy thing for the adolescent me. I suppose that’s what we are, though, as young individuals. Most of us come from conservative upbringings, and that’s all we know and are exposed to when we’re young. Yet, as we age and gain experience in the world, we realize that there are other options and that life is what you make of it, not a fixed roadmap to be followed exactly. That’s what makes it so exciting on so many levels. 

I also think about what truly makes me happy, and it’s not what I used to think it was: cars, houses, money, etc. What makes me happy now is really about being creative. The written word and the ability to manipulate language adeptly, with a cup of coffee by my side, bring me a type of joy that I cannot express. The fact that I have a job that’s flexible, supports a relatively modest yet comfortable standard of living, and allows me to pursue my passion is another aspect of my current situation I’m immensely grateful for. My younger self would’ve been pleasantly surprised at the adult I’ve become.