He still has to pick you

I’ve previously written about how I used to think that love is simple and that love is something that will just work itself out. I was wrong. That was certainly my thought process when I was younger, so I ended up putting a lot of focus on what I consider important, which is primarily my career. But I’ve come to learn that love is not easy. I don’t really know if it’s something that takes practice or what. I think there’s a bit of luck to it as well. Love is a gamble. Two people need to pick each other first for there to be something, and, on top of that, there needs to be compatibility. Love is a fascinating thing because it, again, defies logic. You just love who you love, and there’s no right or wrong way to love someone. 

Love is also not fair. If we think about the people we obsess over, I often wonder why it is that particular person whom I have feelings for. Why him, and not that other person, or her, for that matter? It’s not something I think science can or will ever explain. It’s far too complicated a process to demystify, at least for everyone on the planet. Maybe it is a relatively simple thing for some people and more complicated for others; I don’t really know. Love is also akin to having a mental illness. It’s been shown that being in love is similar to having a manic episode. This sort of makes sense, given how blunt the diagnostic tool for psychiatric disorders is at the moment. I don’t think there’s a solution to this issue of lumping together people who are in love and the mentally ill. It’s an interesting problem within the psychiatric community that I know a few individuals are tackling. 

Yet, at the end of the day, two people in love still need to pick each other. Each one has to make the decision without coercion or influence. That is the foundation of an enduring relationship: two people need to enter into it willingly. With the legalization of gay marriage, a new form of union is now present in our society. It’s interesting because, even though we are just at the start of gay marriage, my money is that gay marriage is the more stable form of legal union. This may be a controversial take, but it’s been shown–or at least suggested–that marriage in general is not great for women and that it tends to benefit men more. Under this logic, would not two men engaged in a mutually consenting love union be the most stable of them all? I think this reasoning runs counter to what we now know about love and marriage, but it is perhaps the enduring one. Only time will tell.