I feel a little sorry for my parents

I was once at an Ikea with my mother in some obscure suburb and made a comment on how boring the conservative path seems, and she replied, “that’s how life is supposed to be,” basically conceding to my remark. I remember feeling a bit sorry for her then and there. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to impel me to gravitate toward a life like hers (she was) or if she was just saying it as a sort of “that’s life” retort that my father has gotten used to saying whenever he’s losing an argument. Either way, ever since I was little, I’ve had a subtle dissatisfaction with how my family has lived. The materialistic values, the totalitarian devotion to the conservative and traditional narrative, as if there’s no other way to live a fulfilling life. 

I see people who choose to have children (I suppose if it’s a genuine love union, then that’s alright) move to these suburban environments away from the noise of the big city, and I wonder how these individuals ever get any excitement out of life? I felt that when I was still living in Davis, California, a part of me was sort of dying. It’s hard to say if I would’ve been any happier at a more liberal school like UC Berkeley, but you’d never know. 

All in all, I’m grateful to be in the United States, where individuals have the freedom to think and live the life they deem best for themselves. In China, I would’ve had no other choice, but then again, the temptation to veer off course probably wouldn’t have been there either. All media in China is heavily censored, and I imagine creating any content is reserved only for the few who can afford to and speak well to the communist party. That’s certainly not the case in America.