To end up alone

I read this statistic that a significant portion of gay men end up alone or are lonely. Now, I don’t think all lonely people are necessarily unhappy or live unfulfilling lives, so it’s not always a bad thing to end up alone. You get to pursue what you want in your life without having to compromise. However, I think being alone is generally seen as less healthy, to say the least, than being in a supportive, loving, and stable relationship. That’s a fact. Ideally, you would find this kind of stable, mutual love. However, gay dating is rather challenging, partly because it is such a new phenomenon in contemporary Western society. What does it mean to be gay? I think it’s still early for society to answer that question, and we are all learning.  

Nevertheless, I’ve treaded a very heteronormative path before my bipolar diagnosis in my mid-twenties (which forced me to come out), and so my social media feed is sprinkled with pictures of lives a little more conservative than the one I currently live. It’s not necessarily happier; it’s probably a little more regimented. I don’t really know. Being straight exposes you to this narrative that already exists in society for generations. You sort of know what you should do next and around what time. That’s not really the case for gay men. The dating pool is so small, and you just don’t have an already established timeline to follow. Herein lies the source of stress for so many people.

Plus, at the end of the day, you’re dating men who, compared to women, place much more value on the physical aspects of attraction. Let’s be honest, we are not all models or personal trainers. This poses a challenge for everyone, even the ultra-good-looking folks, because everyone ages. Looks eventually fade. I’ve mentioned before that perhaps gay marriages may be the more stable union, but I may play the devil’s advocate on myself and argue that perhaps gay relationships are not that stable in and of themselves. In other words, I don’t really think most unions between two gay men reach the marriage stage.